I'm so sorry i havent been able to get a thing done


I have school, i'm failing 2 classes because both teachers hate me and my mom said if i have to pass all of my classes for this semester to go to kansas but that doesnt look likely so i am extremely depressed and sad about that


Also, i confused about were Josh and I stand....... when i got on the computer yesterday he logged off, and idk.......he doesnt want to talk to me........ im so worried that he going to leave me

i dont want to loose him because i love him more then anything...........


Then one of my friends she fell in love with this girl and went out with her for a few days and fell head-first in love with her but her gf dumped her and now im trying to get her not to cut her self............


Also my best friends are starting to loose faith in me, I keep trying to call and get a hold of them and i dont hear at all from them for no reason......... i would think they would have the guts to call me and say "Oh im sorry i have been busy" or "phone lost" even if it was just a FUCKING LIE I WOULD HAVE BELIEVED YOU AND WOULD BE HAPPY!!! so im thinking wow they dont care........ im a dumb bitch for believing them......i can't let go of my top best friends, if i found one of the abandon or use me then i would have a break down...because i open up my heart and soul to these people.....


And the list goes on sorry

im really trying to be a better sister and daughter but yet again i super fail, in orchestra i had my last concert tonight and my mom was stunned and was disappointed in me so i started crying in the car after my brother got done playing......


im kind of thinking getting this new best friend but he sometimes act like i dont exist and that my feelings dont matter then he changes.......but the way he reacts is like "whatever......" ugh, im getting sick of this........





and ex friends are trying to win be back kind of which also sucks you left me or i left you for a good reason. I would never stop liking someone for who there are and or no reason at all but you had to do something to me so i want them to just leave me alone and to never speak to me again........i hate all of my exs............... i can say that with strong words because the all used me and abandon me, they are the reason why i hate people




































also i HATE DOING VENT ART!! but its the only thing that keeps me from starving myself which im doing again






















i want to die

















i know i need help